Just connect — human to human

I was at the airport the other day and it really dawned on me just how many emotional support pets I had seen that day. Suddenly I realized that there seemed to be a huge surge in these support pets, something that had been really rare until very recently. And it really got me thinking…

I am certainly not here to bash people who need and love their emotional support pets. I am happy for them and for what their pets can bring to their lives in terms of support and comfort. But it does beg the following observation: are emotional support pets yet another human substitute in this day and age of alienation and lack of human connection?

Let’s return to the airport. Or let’s remember the last time we were at the mall or the park or the beach or to any other public place in which people continue to congregate. See anyone looking around them or even, heaven forbid, at other people? Of course not — we’re all buried up to our noses in smart phones, tablets and every other techno piece of paraphernalia.

We’re all ‘communicating’ heavily with all our technology, of course. We’re all heavily connected with each other, with the news and with all that’s going on in the world = more so than ever before! Uh huh…if you say so.

Allow me to believe differently. We are so indebted to our technology — and, now increasingly, our emotional support pets — because we’re scared to death of each other, that’s why. There, I said it! Now contradict that with a logical counter-argument if you dare!

New York Times best-selling author Celia Rivenbark wrote a hilarious article about how today these pets are omnipresent. She writes how, “These animals are everywhere. Even McDonald’s is starting to look like a Parisian café. Do that many people really need emotional support just to go to the movies? The grocery store? A bar?”

I include Rivenbark’s ascerbic words not to cause offence. But she raises a valid point. Why is there this sudden proliferation of them? Why so many of them? What is suddenly missing in people’s lives that so much furry emotional support is desperately needed?

I believe it has much to do with connection. We now turn to our cat or our dog or our other non-human companion precisely because we have lost the ability to just turn to the next person and connect with them. It’s really as if other people scare the hell out of us.

And we don’t turn to other people because we don’t want to be ‘inconvenienced’ or have to listen to their problems or, worse still, feel as if we are bothering them. But we need to hear other people and what they have to say. By doing that, we become open ourselves and we can become enriched by the experience.

Ed Milligan makes the very valid observation that we prefer our pets to humans precisely because they do not judge us. He makes the eloquent point that pets can “bridge a gap where humanity fails us”. They are our human surrogates because they’re almost human anyway, so why not, right?

The problem is that may not be enough — nor should it always be enough. We are, after all, human, and our ability to communicate and forge emotional and intellectual bridges one another is intrinsic to the human condition.

I am loath to make light of what an emotional support dog can mean for a person suffering from PTSD. Or what a beloved emotional support cat can mean to a lonely old lady who hardly ventures out of her apartment except to go on those terrifying trips to visit doctors or distant family. Their meaning in those peoples’ lives is incalculable.

But I do believe we have strayed too far from our ability to interact with others. And we need to improve that if needed. I would like to share some ideas on what you can do to side-step the emotional crutches in your life from time to time:

1. Just Say Hi. Yes, just say hello to that person sitting next to you at the airport or waiting in a long line at the supermarket. Yes, they might be curt with you or even ignore you — take that risk. You have nothing to lose. You may even make an interesting new acquaintance.

2. Introvert No More. I am introvert so I know exactly how you might feel about being gregarious with other people. But giving into one’s innate shyness is a cop out — it excludes us and it deprives us of potentially enriching experiences with others.

3. Find the Balance. I love dogs and I fully understand how people can love their dogs or cats or any other species of animal for that matter. But we cannot love our animals at the expense of interacting with people. Our pets should be our friends, not our surrogates.

I borrowed the title for this article from the Edwardian writer, E.M. Forster, who penned classics such as Howard’s End and Maurice. He would often preface his novels with two simple words: ‘Just Connect’. And that is what we need to do with each other in this age of technology and emotional support animals — simply connect.